This weekend, Hobbit hosted a 50th birthday party for me.
A great time was had by all...but it didn't start out that way.
***spoiler alert → vulnerable post coming***
About an hour before guests were supposed to start arriving, I had a bit of a break-down.
I reached for the rice cooker in the cupboard above the stove, and the lid fell ON MY HEAD.
It cracked open all my introverted angsts and they came gushing out of my head, squirreling their way through my nervous system like little angst-bugs.
the people I want to see won't come... too many people will come... it'll be my 10th birthday party all over again - the one where no one came... I'll be overly awkward... I'll get exhausted too fast... I can't cook for them... We won't have enough food... I don't want all this attention YES I DO! no I don't. YES I DO!!!
My anxieties buzzed their way down my arms and into my hands, and within seconds, I couldn't keep anything in my fingers. I was supposed to be chopping veggies for the buffet, but I knew I shouldn't be wielding a knife.
You see, ever since COVID, my sensitivities have heightened. I hear more. I see more. I FEEL more. which means I WINCE more too.
And an hour before my birthday when that rice-cooker lid goose-egged my head, I was afraid I'd be wincing the whole day long. (Hobbit calls that introverted-awkward-world *Itchy-ville*...and I was deep in the itchies.) He found me out in the backyard, about to sit my fully clothed butt in the kiddy pool - in hopes the water would calm me.
He sat with me. He listened to me. He affirmed me. and in that energetic not-trying-to-fix-it wisdom that the Hobbit has, He soothed me.
The party happened. I smiled and laughed the whole time.
And, I was only a little bit overwhelmed by so many people (but in a good way).
And the next day, I was all peopled out.
And now, today, my actual birthday, I feel like something has shifted in me. It's that magical feeling I always thought I'd get when I was a little kid getting to be a year older.
It actually is a feeling, that getting older feeling, but not in the grey-hair & body-aches type older...more in the wisdom-wiser and whimsy-wonder type of way.
You see, this year was the first birthday (since that 10 year old birthday) that I actually ASKED for BIG attention on ME!
I asked for what I wanted...AND I GOT IT!!!
A number of you set up a 30-minute birthday zoom call with me (SO FUN!) Many of you sent me birthday cards in 🐌 📫 (accepting more...address at the bottom of this email) Several of you brought me iris rhizomes.
And now, on my actual birthday (after a peopling-hangover-day) I am feeling the magick of it all.
Asking AND Receiving!
Feeling anxiety, and letting it be temporary, AND it Passing!
And then, this morning, I was invited to be a guest on a podcast for a woman in Malaysia! And she asked all the right questions. Her name is Joyan, and her podcast is about Finding JOY. (Stay tuned, I'll email you all when the episode drops.)
I'm learning how to ask for what I want. And it's working! even if I had a little angsty-hiccup in the process. So here's one more thing I want.
I WANT TO GROW MY AUDIENCE!!!
cuz gosh-darn-it-all...I have a dominant throat chakra and I have a lot to say!
If you have enjoyed my work, my writings, my teachings, my musings, my purple-mirth-house energies.
Take a moment right now and think about who in your life needs some more color in their lives.
Please tell your friends to check out my website, listen to a few of the podcasts I'm guesting on (there are more to come), sign up for one of my online classes, or try a free initial consult with me.
I appreciate you