I have a confession. The pandemic was good for me. Really good. It didn’t suck. Actually, it was the opposite of sucky.
Please don’t hate me.
The time that sucked for me was before the pandemic. The winter of 2019/2020.
November 2019 - my Uncle Mark died. December 2019 - my Uncle Clint had a heart attack and almost died. January 2020 - my friends Julie & Diane died…on the same day. February 2020 - my Uncle Gary died.
If I really think about it, the time that sucked for me wasn’t just those pre-pandemic four months. I had been struggling (really struggling) for the better part of six years! (ever since my divorce ins 2013).
Sure, I’d had some good things happen, but the good times were little tiny sips of joy-air in between the crashing waves of some really intense storms of life that happened between 2013 and 2020.
By the time the pandemic lockdown hit in March 2020,
I was ready to hide in my little homey-hole.
And I did just that. I turned my focus inward. And it felt good. It felt really good.
I published three books. I re-organized my whole house (did’t we all?). I adopted a puppy and named her Tosha (which means “contentment”) I spent quality time with a very small inner circle of people who mean the most to me. I focused on ME!
But, I still wasn’t completely content. I still held my breath, waiting for what shock might come next. (can we say ptsd?) Because many shocks had been coming at me, for a very long time. I had begun to wonder if "intense storm" was my new post-divorce normal.
Even though I was safe in my little homey-hole during the first year of the pandemic, stuff was still happening in the outside world.
George Floyd died, and riots erupted in my hometown. Wild-fires. Tornadoes. Hurricanes. Political Unrest.
The global pandemic wasn’t just a virus, it affected EVERYTHING.
In the spring of 2021, when my old dog Sukha crossed the Rainbow Bridge, I realized that I had been energetically holding my breath for a year and a half, slowing exhaling little bits, like I was living underwater.
As I watched Sukha (my familiar) exhale her last breath, I exhaled too, fully.
And something magical happened. She died, but I didn’t.
Do you know what happens when you exhale all your air (and you don’t die)? The vacuum created in your lungs MAKES you automatically inhale! Receiving new energy!
The last several months have been absolutely beautiful for me. It’s like I came up from underwater and everything shines in brighter technicolor.
Many of you have commented to me in these last couple months how happy I am, and how fun it is to watch me be happy. And that makes me feel all gooey inside!
Since Sukha died in May 2021, very gradually, subtlety, softly, sweetly… I have found contentment (Tosha!).
I am drinking the nectar of life, every part of it, like it is the best tasting juice I have ever imbibed.
I am not just happy, I am JOYFUL, inside and out, all of the time! (even when I’m crabby, if you can believe that).
If you feel like the last couple years you have been living underwater, barely exhaling little tiny bits, just waiting for the next shock, I know how you feel. And I’m here to tell you, it gets better. I promise.
We are all hopeful that 2022 will bring the technicolor, the new energy, the breath of fresh air we've been missing as we've lived underwater holding our breath bracing for the next shockwave.
I'm here for you. I can help you process all the sucky of the pandemic and find a way to open your lungs so that you can RECEIVE all the goodness that is coming. (it’s coming, I promise, you just have to be open to receive it). I have more than my share of abundant joy and happy to spill onto you so that you can find your own joy-bubble breath again.
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