Tuesday Tales
On my first date with my first husband, he asked me what I wanted out of life. (yeah, we dug deep, fast).
I told him I wanted to have the fullest experience of being human, which meant feeling all the feels, all the way, even the not comfortable feels.
I didn't realize at the time that I was casting a spell on myself, and that marriage (and divorce) would end up giving me just that...all the feels. Especially the hard ones.
FF to our 10-year anniversary. I found myself face-down on a yoga mat in the dank entryway of a cheap motel somewhere in Iowa, having just read my husband's "I'm filing for divorce" email to me.
I wrote in my journal, "breathe through it...this too shall pass...of f$%^...I didn't know anything could hurt this bad! Damn...I asked for this, to feel EVERYTHING...I can do this...or can I? I guess I must."
Fast forward another decade, and a re-marriage later.
It's rainbow time. I'm living my best life. I'm feeling all the good feels. The squishy, fuzzy, warm-glow, bubbly-poppy, kaleidoscope-y, aurora borealis feels.
because I had to have it all. so I could appreciate it all.
Life is ALL
In order to know the yin, you have to greet the yang. In order to feel the warmth, you have to touch the cold. In order to smell the bright, you have to taste the dim.
The depth of life is about appreciating it all. Being grateful for it all. Embracing it ALL.
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in hindsight, the only regret I have is that I didn't have a mentor to hold my hand through those dark days, to sit with me and tell me what I was telling myself, that I could do it.
If you want that mentor now, I'm here for you.