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How to Manage Contagious Anger & Rage

As Empaths, here are also some very practical and actionable things we can do in the moment we are faced with an angry & rageful person to: protect ourselves from being victim to their rage, avoid absorbing their rage or letting it trigger our own hidden anger, and to transform the anger into positive action to better the world. As empaths, and human beings, we have two knee-jerk reactions when we witness or feel anger and rage coming off someone else.

  1. We want to fix it, and make that person NOT ANGRY

  2. We need to DEFEND ourselves so that we don't fall victim to the rage

Unfortunately, both of these reactions usually land us in a difficult position. Anger is fire, and fire doesn't extinguish easily. If we deny the person their anger or rage, we are usually just containing the fire temporarily so that it can come out another time. It's kinda like seeing a fire in a room and closing the door to pretend it wasn't there. The closed door creates a vacuum, depriving the fire of necessary oxygen. Eventually, it will burn down the door and explode into the rest of the house, perhaps even causing a backdraft that sucks everything into it.

Secondly, the knee-jerk defense of anger is to fight back in anger. In defending ourselves, we often bring more fuel to the fire. It's as if we are saying "oh, you're mad. Well I'm mad too, and my mad is bigger than your mad." And we just keep adding stuff to the fire to make it bigger and bigger and bigger.

Both these reactions are examples of what happens when we let our moods control us, rather than when we are mindful of controlling our moods.

Ways to be mindful of the fire that is anger and rage, and how to control it and make it useful rather than destructive.

  1. Acknowledge and Affirm the Anger & Rage. Identify the person who is feeling the anger/rage feels. Verbally acknowledge the anger and rage, and affirm them. "You're angry. You have a right to be angry. I hear your anger. I respect your anger." Fire demands respect, or it will grow out of control. But if fire is respected, it can be managed, controlled, and used to create positive change.

  2. Provide Earth. Healthy and productive fires are contained in an appropriate container (fire pit, burning bowl, candle wax, etc.) If you become the container that allows the fire to express itself appropriately, it won't need to grow too big. Do this by LISTENING, not talking. If you do talk, you affirm the person's anger, but stay neutral, steady, calm, and safe. Plant your own feet solid on the ground, stay still (unlike the flailing fire) and be steady.

  3. Be Air. Every fire needs oxygen to burn. Once you identify the person who ignites the fire of anger and rage, you can help that person process their anger by being the air they need to burn their fire, respectfully. Do this by BREATHING, deeply. Your calm steady breath will serve to steady the fire, calm it, and keep it manageable. (the best breathing technique is our Focused Breathing - take the only course to learn how)

  4. Use Water. When fire gets too out of control, the best way to diffuse it is with water. Offer water to the person (they may likely refuse). If they refuse, then drink it yourself. Wash with it. Keep yourself clean of the soot and ash escaping them.


If you deal with anger & rage, either in yourself or in a loved one, Book a Mentoring Appointment to learn how to handle the specific expressions of anger and rage as you face them.

Read a story about how I dealt with anger and rage coming at me just from watching a television show. When You're Angry & You Don't Know Why


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