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5 Minute Mini-Lesson: Letting Go

We all have an inner control freak inside us. Some of us, more than others. Maintaining control helps us feel safe, and a certain level of discipline in life is healthy. However, trying to control things that are out of our control, OR excessively controlling the things we can control because of frustration for that which we cannot control can quickly manifest into dysfunction and limitation in life. In our bodies, excessive control shows up in the form of tight muscles, especially neck and shoulders, constipation, menstruation problems (fibroids), TMJ, and at worst, various kinds of cancer. (did you know that a cancerous tumor is really just the body's old cells that never died and sluffed off but rather coagulate into a mass?...oh about holding on too much). In our minds, excessive control shows up in the form of obsessive compulsive behaviors, anxiety, over-thinking, and overwhelm. In our spirits, excessive control leads to breakdowns in relationships, loss of passion and focus, inability to have fun, and lack of gratitude. This simple MOZI Method Exercise teaches your nervous system to learn to let go through a simple body-mind-spirit action you can do all day every day. The more you do this, the easier it is for you to let go. What's magic about it is that it teaches you how to hold control of what you can control, appreciate what you have held onto, and let it go with grace.


I lived for 10 years with a man who struggled extensively with anorexia, which is not an eating disorder as much as it is a control disorder. Over the course of a full decade, I worked with him through many diet trends (meat-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, vegan, raw, etc. etc.) in effort to help him have a happier relationship with food. None of it worked because all of the diets FED the bigger monster he was facing, CONTROL. Each of the diets allowed him to focus CONTROL on something or other. But really, he wasn't controlling anything. He was being controlled by the need to control. Eventually, I came to realize that his entire life was controlled by his eating disorder. In time, my entire world became consumed with managing his eating disorder. It eventually ended our marriage. He chose his eating disorder over me, and I chose a life without an eating disorder over marriage to him.

In the months and years after leaving him, I had to disconnect from my own control issues. I realized that for the better part of our marriage, I was trying to control something I couldn't control. I was trying to control his eating disorder, his relationship with food, his approach to life...because it directly impacted my own life as his wife. Ultimately, in divorcing him, I let go of that control...but I discovered that spending that many years in "control mode" I had to teach myself how to identify what I should be controlling in my life, and what I should let go...and...I needed to take specific actions to LET GO of what I shouldn't be controlling. I knew I had to do this so that I didn't attract to myself another long-term relationship based on control issues.

Ironically, the next long-term serious relationship I landed in was a controlling narcissist who wanted to limit and control every action of my life, including what I did for a living, who I spent my time with, how much and when I used my phone, and so much more. I tell ya, if there is ever a major antidote for control issues for me, it was to live with someone for several months who tried to control everything about my world. That ended harsh and fast...and shortly thereafter, I met my Hobbit, who has a much healthier relationship with control. :)


Using myself as a case study, I entered into an extensive research about control issues and how to address them through mindfulness and brain training. I discovered that I tend to hold control in various parts of my body...and I believe this to be the same for most people.

Hands, Wrist & Fingers

When we get controlling, we tend to grip the muscles in our hands, wrists, and fingers. As a writer, I understand this from the classic "writer's cramp." For me, writer's cramp only happens when I'm over-thinking my words and not letting myself be creative and flowing with my writing. My fingers and hands tighten, and then using them becomes laborious. In deeper thought, I realized that the whole time I was married to my first husband, I not only suffered more writer's cramp, but I was also prone to more wrist pain. When we grip too much, hold too tight, control too much, that tightness creeps up our arms and manifests in wrist pain.

Neck & Shoulders

The second place we tend to grip and hold control is in our neck and shoulders. Our shoulders tighten when we are holding issues for other people (holding the weight of the world on our shoulders). Our neck tightens when we maintain a limited perspective or viewpoint. That limited view keeps us limited in our control of life.

Mouth & Jaw

Probably the most unconscious control action lives inside your mouth and jaw. The very first thing to tighten when you want to gain control is in your tongue and jaw. This is why TMJ is very common when people are controlling. Remember the two ex-partners I mentioned above? Both of them had extremely tight jaws and were prone to gritting their teeth. When we don't like how things are going and we want to control, we tighten our jaws and grit our teeth.

Hips & Pelvis

When we live a lifetime of control issues, it turns into hip and pelvis problems, in many forms. The hips and pelvis are shaped like a bowl, and the purpose of a bowl is to hold things. When we hold too many things in too much control, that bowl, and all the things inside it, tighten up. Thus, anything housed inside the hips and pelvis can also indicate control issues...such as peeing and pooping...which are about holding on for the right amount of time and letting go when it's time. Such as menstrual issues (read my blog about fibroid tumors), or erectile dysfunction issues (the inability to let go), or issues with orgasm. If you hip joints get tight, or worn out, perhaps it because you have been controlling too many things in your life and your hips would much prefer to DANCE!

The MOZI Method for Letting Go of Control

What's the first thing we do to release writer's cramp or wrist pain? We shake out our hands. So, I tried it. Whenever I caught myself being too controlling about something that really wasn't mine to control, I would shake my hands and wrists.

This simple 3-step process will teach your nervous system to let go. If you do this when you need it, it will help in the moment. If you do this several times a day, when you don't need it, you will teach your nervous system to be less controlling overall.

  1. Deep Focused Breathing - because breathing is everything. Learn the Focused Breathing Technique in this only course.

  2. Mindful Affirmation - "I let go of what is not mine to control." Because what we think is how we feel.

  3. Shake It Out - shake your hands and wrists or your neck and shoulders, or your WHOLE body as you breathe and state your affirmation. Hint...for smaller issues, just shake your hands and wrists, for bigger issues shake your neck and shoulders, for massive issues, shake your whole body.


Do you have control issues? Are you ready to get free and let go? Book and Appointment with me to identify your control issues, where they are manifesting in your body, and a personalized process to train your brain and body to stop controlling.


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